I’m On Chemotherapy…Get Me Out Of HERE!!!

Give me a sunken coffin full of rats any day. Throw me out of an aeroplane at 10,000ft. Make me eat pig snout and kangaroo anus whilst juggling rotten offal. I’d take any of that over chemo.

As I sit and watch I’m a Celeb I can’t help but think how their journey has been similar to mine in a way. Like them, i’ve been catapulted into a camp, a chemo camp, which I can’t leave until i’m told I can. I entered my proverbial jungle experience 7 months ago and it’s been a daily challenge to get to the finish line since. I set out knowing that I had 16 rounds (stars if you like) to collect. Technically I should be skipping over the finale bridge in 3 days time, busting some shapes and drinking a celebratory pina colada but annoyingly I’ve been set back and i’m now three whole weeks away with 3 full on chemo sessions still to go.  Basically, the further I get the more my immune system is taking a battering…which in turn means that i’m not well enough to have the chemo. It’s a bit of a vicious circle really.  I feel like my oncologist aka Kiosk Kev is constantly pulling the shutter down in my face. It’s not his fault, he’s doing what he has to but it’s hard. It’s really hard. I’ve completed the trials in the lead up to every treatment (namely injecting myself), i’ve played by all the rules and endured the side effects (no matter how horrific it’s been) but when I arrive at the hospital to get my bloods checked and i’m told that i’m too weak to be treated I feel nothing but cheated. Cheated by my body really I guess. Grrrrr. All it does is push my end date further out of my reach. Since May this year my eyes have been on Christmas. Just knowing that when the big red fella shimmies his fat tush down our chimney i’ll be out the other side of this hell hole and sat by the fire with a glass of port in one hand and a lump of cheese in t’other.

But you’ve got to be in it to win it right? The winner on I’m a Celeb is the one who stays til the end. The bitter end.  You don’t get there by cutting corners or quitting early. I know this. I’m not beating this cancer thing unless I see the treatment through.  Ok, i’ve dropped the c bomb,  my tantrum is over. I had to get that off my chest, you know, stamp my feet a bit like a bratty snotty child but my game face is firmly back on now.  So here I go into my 3 week (fingers crossed) countdown. Just 3 more stars to collect. Wish me luck campmates. It’s a jungle out there.

TIPS I’M LEARNING ABOUT GETTING TO THE FINISHING LINE (actually this is my inner sensible person coaching my outer utterly cheesed off person but do feel free to carry on reading if you find it helpful/amusing)

*Don’t plan when the finish line is. It’s likely to change. It’s like getting hooked on your due date when you’re pregnant and then becoming despondent and down when you go overdue. Nature has to take its course and no amount of lunges and pineapple juice is going to change that.

*Keep up the good work. Eat well, take your vitamins and avoid germs

*Take all the help that is offered around you.

*Stop comparing cancer treatment to celebrity game shows – it’s a bigger deal (‘or no deal’ boom).

*Throwing your toys out the pram and moaning is pointless but equally OK to vent. It’s like therapy.

*Write a blog about it and moan to your readers…who knows if they’ll actually get to the end of your indulgent rant anyway. Still here? Hi. I like you most.