Cutting the Cord

How do I feel the day after radiotherapy has finished? I feel like I’m freewheeling if I’m honest in a direction where I don’t know the destination. I’m used to having regular intensive hospital appointments. I’m used to BEING at the hospital. I know most of the staff there now. I’ll miss their smiling faces of encouragement. Coming away from that is unnerving.

Ok, so I’m in the hospital still every three weeks but the big guns have been put away.

Will cancer stay away? Do I want it to? Of COURSE I want it to, but it’s been part of my story. It’s a bit like going back to work after having a baby…you’ve been so immersed in baby-life that it seems foreign to go back to work. I remember heading back into the office after baby number 1 and I had a bit of baby sick on my shoulder and baby wipes in my bag. I wonder if that’s what i’ll be like when I return back to work this time? I’ll be going back with my scars and daily medication in tow….but will I go back to the old me? I doubt it. Pretty sure I lost her down a drain the day I was told I had breast cancer. The good news is I feel a new me emerging from this. A new inner strength. Safe in the knowledge that I can do this. Who am I kidding. I’m genuinely sh*t scared of what’s to come.

10 thoughts on “Cutting the Cord

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  1. Bless you at last you have finished your treatment. 😊onward and upward stay positive you are an inspiration to many going through this awful thing. 💕💕x


  2. Completely relate to this and the “what now” the uncertainty and the worry about what the future holds – a few months down the line from you and I can say I try not to dwell, live more in the moment and appreciate every day. However there is always that “niggle” in the background and it is a new and forever changed me that has emerged x.


  3. A good friend said to me ‘be positive but above all be grateful. These docs are SAVING YOUR LIFE. So however horrendous it gets we will get better and most of us will live long and happy lives. Many women round the world don’t get any treatment at all so we are ,weirdly, the lucky few.
    Thank you for your positive energy. I’m going to need it when I start chemo in 2 weeks.


  4. Hi
    I am 6 months down the line from last chemo and 4 months on from last radio …. went back to work on phased return but get so tired … also chemo brain very frustrating as can’t retain info for long and forget simple words but other than that I’m trying to be positive … works most of the time and your blogs and messages on here really help … but every now and again a little negative thought appears about what will happen in the future ? Has it all gone for good? … want to believe it happened to me for a reason and I’m meant to do something now .. just like you’re doing ….. you’re bloody brilliant and are a perfect role model …. onwards and upwards …. 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻🥰


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