Bum Cancer or Bum Attitude?

So get this. Mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy are all in the bag but I feel like my cancer journey is far from reaching the final destination. Since Christmas I haven’t had a normal toilet experience. For want of a more lady-like analogy think Niagra over Sahara….or prostitute over nun. Yes indeedy I am loose. I am free flowing. All jokes aside this is debilitating in so many ways. Firstly, I have to plan my day around the toilet but secondly I have convinced myself that i’m in for yet another C bomb, another cancer diagnosis. I have all the symptoms of bum cancer; I’m passing blood, I have constant diarrhea, I have cramps (albeit mild) and i’ve now got a mouth full of ulcers. Plus I  have a history of cancer so is that what is winging it’s sweet way to me again?

I’m told by my nearest and dearest to relax and that I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Not only is this wholeheartedly unhelpful but also THAT BUS HAS ALREADY COME FOR ME ONCE PEOPLE. Or am I being negative? Imagine being mugged in the street out of the blue. After that event you’re surely going to (for a time) regard any stranger you pass as a potential threat. It’s happened before so it could happen again right?? Well it’s the same for a cancer diagnosis. Every ache or pain, every watery eye or itchy digit, no matter how small, is in my opinion, going to be Dr Googled and given a cancer diagnosis immediately. Ok so like the mugger, my cancer has been caught and locked up (fingers crossed) but for how long? Will it come after me again? The question I want to know is am I now scarred for life? Will I ever move on from feeling like a walking cancer target? Will I forever be looking suspiciously over my freckley melanoma riddled shoulder?

Like my type of breast cancer, many cancers can metastasis (when cancer cells break away from where they first formed, travel through the blood or lymph system, and form new tumors – bit like pass the parcel. But less fun) but can mine do so in my stomach? Apparently it can but it’s highly unlikely. This is what the specialists have told me. I want to feel reassured but as I type this (whilst on the loo for the 4th time today) I want hard concrete scientific evidence.

Due to my bottom cancer-esque symptoms I have been referred to have an urgent colonoscopy tomorrow. I’m so scared and i’m having sleepless nights. I am. I feel weak mentally that this is coming my way. Anyway, in preparation i’m now nil by mouth and nil by mood until this time tomorrow when i’ll have a 6ft tube up my bum.  Joyous.

Update: I’ve just had my colonoscopy and the specialist thinks my bowel has been damaged by the chemo. I’ve had 5 biopsies taken so just waiting on the results. Good news is he doesn’t think it’s cancer 👍





30 thoughts on “Bum Cancer or Bum Attitude?

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  1. I too have recently finished chemo after having a mastectomy. The fear never seems to leave my mind st the moment either . I just want my kind of normal back !!!!!!
    Will be thinking of you tomorrow . Good luck. X


  2. What a pisser for you! Wishing you the very best for tomorrow and in awe of how honest and funny you are when like all of us would be you are scared shitless…literally. Good luck xxxx


  3. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending good luck. I tore my carotid artery and had a stroke around the same time as you’re diagnosis and I completely understand where you coming from with ‘ will I always be scared ‘ that’s me too. Stay strong lovely lady.❤️


  4. Oh crikey I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. I’m awaiting a mastectomy just for DCIS and it’s enough to set my bowels off (but not as bad as yours sound). After all you’ve been through fingers crossed it’s just a temporary reaction to all the treatment x


  5. Oh, l really feel for you . I am also a cancer survivor. 15 years in Sept this year . But pain anywhere in the body naturally your going to think . Is it . ?
    I was also metataris. Gone into eight of my lymph nodes. I also have Lymphodema so faced each day with a reminder .
    But l get out and about l try to push it all to the back of my mind. But it’s human nature to be cautious .l was told once to put it all behind me . Impossibility. That made me feel bad ..I wish you good results an the strength to get through your fears .


  6. 🤞🏼 Good luck with your colonoscopy. I can imagine how you are feeling because I had one last year after a bleed. Luckily it was fine even though I convinced myself it was colon cancer, probably because my father had it a long time ago. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that all is well for you too 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼


  7. Hello!
    Re the colonoscopy, I’ve had literally zillions of them. The prep is worse than the proceedure. Eat green jelly and drink lemonade and you’ll not feel so bad. Definitely have sedation for the proceedure. You’re awake but you don’t care what they’re doing. You’re in a lovely happy place.

    And finally mouth ulcers… Have you tried a probiotic. My auto immune nonsense means I get them real bad, but probiotics have pretty much stopped them.

    Anyway, I’m sure it’ll all be fine, remember, green jelly and lemonade. Oh and see if they can get the camera round to the bit where you can see the light through your belly. That’s the best bit.
    Big hugs.
    Glen x


      1. *green jelly and lemonade just for when you’re having the colonoscopy prep. Not forever. It’s not a balanced enough diet for forever. 😄 x


  8. Pleased you’ve got it checked and pleased or not so pleased it’s the chemo. Both outcomes pretty rubbish but I suppose it’s the better option! Always look on the bright side. My toilet habits totally changed during chemo but 5 months down the line its settling down. And as someone who has had cancer twice, the worry never goes but trust me it does ease off the further out of treatment you become….and it makes you more aware which isn’t a bad thing! Take care x


  9. I finished my treatment four weeks ago now and I think I’ve been to the drs so many times panicking ( I’m sure they’re fed up of me 🙄) hopefully as it’s still fresh in my mind it will get easier 🤷‍♀️ Hope all was ok x


  10. I have had Ca breast twice (1995 Grade 2 age 35 and 2000 Grade 3 age 40 – same breast. I am now 58) The fear of your cancer coming back or developing another cancer never leaves you. Its like having an elephant in the room. 99.9% of the time the elephant shrinks right down to the size of a magazine rack in the corner and then very occasionally grows large back into the elephant. Right now you have the elephant but he will shrink right back down. Time will give you confidence. Very well done and excellent blog btw!


    1. Hi Kerry,
      Thank you so much for your supportive message. It really means a lot. You’re absolutely right about the elephant in the room and he’s definitely shrunk right down at the moment. It’s so reassuring to hear other people’s perspective so thank you! All the very best. Helen x


  11. Hi , just found this on here x my bowels are not good , finished treatment in December herceptin. Went to doctors he said are you afraid it’s back ? I said no xxx anyway it’s fine got some medication but I am so worried all the time, my doctor has said about counselling xxx


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