So get this. Mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy are all in the bag but I feel like my cancer journey is far from reaching the final destination. Since Christmas I haven’t had a normal toilet experience. For want of a more lady-like analogy think Niagra over Sahara….or prostitute over nun. Yes indeedy I am loose. I am free flowing. All jokes aside this is debilitating in so many ways. Firstly, I have to plan my day around the toilet but secondly I have convinced myself that i’m in for yet another C bomb, another cancer diagnosis. I have all the symptoms of bum cancer; I’m passing blood, I have constant diarrhea, I have cramps (albeit mild) and i’ve now got a mouth full of ulcers. Plus I have a history of cancer so is that what is winging it’s sweet way to me again?
I’m told by my nearest and dearest to relax and that I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Not only is this wholeheartedly unhelpful but also THAT BUS HAS ALREADY COME FOR ME ONCE PEOPLE. Or am I being negative? Imagine being mugged in the street out of the blue. After that event you’re surely going to (for a time) regard any stranger you pass as a potential threat. It’s happened before so it could happen again right?? Well it’s the same for a cancer diagnosis. Every ache or pain, every watery eye or itchy digit, no matter how small, is in my opinion, going to be Dr Googled and given a cancer diagnosis immediately. Ok so like the mugger, my cancer has been caught and locked up (fingers crossed) but for how long? Will it come after me again? The question I want to know is am I now scarred for life? Will I ever move on from feeling like a walking cancer target? Will I forever be looking suspiciously over my freckley melanoma riddled shoulder?
Like my type of breast cancer, many cancers can metastasis (when cancer cells break away from where they first formed, travel through the blood or lymph system, and form new tumors – bit like pass the parcel. But less fun) but can mine do so in my stomach? Apparently it can but it’s highly unlikely. This is what the specialists have told me. I want to feel reassured but as I type this (whilst on the loo for the 4th time today) I want hard concrete scientific evidence.
Due to my bottom cancer-esque symptoms I have been referred to have an urgent colonoscopy tomorrow. I’m so scared and i’m having sleepless nights. I am. I feel weak mentally that this is coming my way. Anyway, in preparation i’m now nil by mouth and nil by mood until this time tomorrow when i’ll have a 6ft tube up my bum. Joyous.
Update: I’ve just had my colonoscopy and the specialist thinks my bowel has been damaged by the chemo. I’ve had 5 biopsies taken so just waiting on the results. Good news is he doesn’t think it’s cancer 👍
IF YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT CANCER RETURNING THEN HERE IS A USEFUL LINK: